Sunday, February 25, 2024

The Latest Football News and Opinions From 90 Minutes Online

Football is Soap-er

Last Christmas, a Leicester City fan shouted to Nigel Pearson at half time "Oi Pearson, what's going on, it's like pantomime season out there," to which the Foxes manager drolly retorted "Oh no it isn't!"

 

The Leicester performance that day may have been a bit Widow Twankey, but over the course of the season thus far, they have bossed the third tier of English football and deserve to be taken seriously.

 

A far cry from the Premier League where the sheer amount of teams in danger of crashing through the trap-door reflect just how many clubs are in disarray. The dramatic and desperate daily shenanigans of some of the country's most famous clubs are like something out of a terrible soap opera.

 

 

Newcastle are a classic example of a side who lurch from one comically grave scenario to another with monotonous regularity. I'm sure that if you'd told a Geordie at the beginning of the season that by February his team might be appointing Bryan Robson to replace Joe Kinnear, he would've leapt down his coal scuttle, dashed to his outside toilet and expelled the Newcy Brown & 17 pies that had been stewing in his guts, so sick would he have been at the thought.

 

To celebrate the League's farcical nature, I've come up with the following comparisons:  

 

Man City - Malhacao

Like a Brazilian Telenovella, highly dramatic, massively over the top, incredible looking on paper, but ultimately unrealistic.  

 

Newcastle - Dynasty

Once rich and powerful, now in danger of becoming extinct. With casualties at boardroom, managerial and player level, St.James Park resembles the famously absurd 'Moldavian Massacre' scene. 

 

Bolton - The Bill

Plods along in a dour and understated way. The main protaganist, Megson, resembles the Chief of Police in that everybody hates him, even his own. 

 

Tottenham - Eastenders

'Arry tries to put a brave veneer over things, but it's hard to talk tough when your hair resembles Dot Cottons. Unfortunately the reality is his teams underbelly is as soft as Phil Mitchells gut. Loves ressurecting old characters for unlikely comebacks.  

 

Portsmouth - Dallas

The club is in free-fall and all memories of money and prestige seem to be fast evaporating. Was the 07-08 season just a dream? 

 

Stoke - Emmerdale Farm

Ooo Arr, have you heard Pulis talk ?! Dirty and basic, you wonder how it got to where it is in the first place.  

 

Blackburn - Neighbours

Pretty awful. A few major stars around, but they're using this as a vehicle towards higher levels of fame and fortune.  

 

Middlesbrough - Family Affairs

Absolutely dire. So poor in fact, that nobody watches it. 

 

West Brom - Hollyoaks

Neat and attractive, but generally sub-standard with the aesthetics masking a woeful production.

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