Well, the latest big shake in Western Europe’s forgotten nation involves washed-out Argentinean Javier Saviola showing up at Benfica.
Clearly not enough of a Galactico to satisfy Real’s requirements, Saviola was exchanged for €5m worth of fruit pastilles and a copy of Horse and Hound.
He said: “I looked at the squad at Benifca and, sincerely, it is a group with a lot of quality and potential."
New Benfica coach Jorge Jesus didn’t say: “Ha ha ha. We’re getting that fuckwit off to the opticians post haste.”
Everyone else is thinking: “Come on, no one uses ‘sincerely’ in a sentence unless they’re lying.”
Saviola will fit right in to Jose Reyes’s old boots. That former Real man came to Benfica on a one year loan to win trophies and revive his dying career, but instead ended up looking like a floppy turd and going back to Atletico Madrid.
Atletico are now hoping to parcel him off to Roma or Everton.
Another name that could be pulling on the shame-filled red of the Eagles next season is Radamel Falcao Garcia.
Yes, I’ve never heard of him either, but he plays for River Plate and has scored 30 goals in 77 games, so he must be good, right?
Deal of the day: I just picked up some Sporting flip flops for €1.50.
With the profits Sporting will in turn try to pick up Manchester City’s Felipe Caicedo and buy Matias Fernandez a “Thank You” card. You see, the Chilean came all the way from Villareal to sign for the Lions. What a nice man.
It’s unlikely Manchester United’s Portuguese reject Nani will be getting any cards of any description soon, because he might be showing up at Wigan, where they only have coal mines.
His proposed return to Sporting is a no-go because Man U want to slip him to the Latics in an attempt to soften the blow of scabbing Mr Valencia from then.
As for Porto, Aly Cissokho apparently went to AC Milan for €15m, but then came back with orders to go to the dentist. Yep, he failed to sign because of a problem with his dental reports.
He can take some encouragement from the fact that his toothpaste-using teammate Lisandro Lopez is still no closer to Lyon or Milan, or anywhere that isn’t Porto, and that his probable non-toothpaste-using teammate Raul Meireles is saying he would be interested in moving to Italy, Spain or England, but not actually going to Italy, Spain or England.
Someone who is moving to Italy is last season’s top scorer in the Liga Sagres, Nenê. He’s trading Nacional for Cagliari, who couldn’t think of anything better to do with €4.5m.