Saddled with an over-paid squad of below-par journeymen, these are times more desperate than usual for Newcastle United. They want shot of their rubbish squad and fast. Thankfully for them the feeling amongst the players is mutual.
Michael Owen took matters into his own hands, hawking his wares in an elaborately conceived brochure, and he was quickly followed by want-away rebel bad-boy Joey Barton. Alan Smith is the latest player to add his name to that list. Exclusive to 90Minutes here is the Alan Smith brochure…
Goals
. Newcastle United’s official website describes me as a “bustling goal-scoring striker”. To be fair, I didn’t write it, and it’s not true. I haven’t scored a goal for the club in two years. However, in terms of bustle, I really am second to none.
Grit and determination
. A by-product of bustle is that I always give 110%. That may equate to a good player giving roughly 20%, but it’s 110% nonetheless.
Not racist
. Mud sticks, and so too do accusations of racially aggravated assault. I was acquitted.
Versatility
. I can play anywhere. I used to be a striker but a lack of goals put paid to that notion. Sir Alex Ferguson tried to groom me as Roy Keane’s successor – that didn’t work out. These days I ply my trade on the right wing. I’ll readily admit that I don’t have the pace to beat a man and my final delivery can be suspect. That’s not the point. The point is I will play anywhere.
Not a curse
. The lads have a laugh saying that catastrophe follows me wherever I go. They jibe me about the demise of Leeds United, Manchester United’s trophy-less two years whilst I was there, and the current shite we’re in now. Let me assure you that I am a victim of circumstance.
Discipline
. Everyone’s got an Achilles heel. I’ll come clean and admit to having the second worst Premier League disciplinary record (behind Kevin Davies) since records began (7 red-cards 423 fouls). And to think how often I’ve been injured during that time.