Thursday, April 02, 2020
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Articles Archive

Tis’ the season for making fickle statements of intent, and who better at doing that than footballers - the sack of lying bastards.

 

Roman Pavlyuchenko

I start year good with two goals, but Wigan is not good commander, so was very easy for me. My Russia friends pay much money for Wigan mans to not play good. It please me to score more goals inside new season, and maybe I start learn English, but really no point there is a fat man Redknapp with funny skin want sell me.

 

Michael Owen

Yeah, I mean, I don’t know if I want to leave Newcastle or not. Yeah, I mean, if someone’s interested in me then I’ll go of course, but yeah, if not then I’ll just have to keep on pretending I love Newcastle. Yeah, I mean, I’d like to get back in the England team, but I’m not really that bothered anymore. Yeah, I also own a horse, so if all else fails I’ll just ride that around or something, I mean, yeah.

 

Craig Bellamy

F**k, I’m looking for the eighth club of my s***ting career. Reckon I can probably make it buggering nine by moving at the end of the bloody season too. F**king funny how my goal-scoring record has never been that sodding good but people are always interested in w**king out millions for me.

 

William Gallas

I’m going to AC Milan or I’m scoring an own goal.

 

Steven Gerrard

Eh, be great to win de league an’ that. Might try ‘avin’ nuther scrap, juz to show Rafa ooze boss roun’ here. Funny ‘ow clubs tek up de moral highground when a shite player they want rid of kicks f**k out a fella in a club, but when a decent player does same de club just issues a statement offerin’ dere support. Eh, and me bird keeps tellin’ me to get me ‘aircut.

 

Ricardo Fuller

After my fight with Griff, I apologised. Do you know what I said?“I give my all for Stoke, all the time. Maybe I give too much. Maybe that's why I am in this position now because I was trying to do so much for football and for Stoke City because I am a Stoke City player at the moment and that's all I care about - Stoke City, the team and myself."

 

So, as you can see it’s impossible for me to make a new year’s resolution. For when you have reached the heights of dizzy perfection that being Ricardo Fuller entails, why change yourself in anyway?

 

Jermaine Pennant

Looking to go somewhere that I can’t be a disappointment, that’s why I’m not interested in Real and am now thinking about Hull City. Some say that’s still setting my sights too high, but once they get relegated I should be able to settle into life in the Championship quite easily.

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