As seasons across Europe come to a close everyone is supposedly neglecting the rear parts of their seats and experiencing bouts of incontinence.
But why? Most seasons ended a long time ago when certain teams decided to lose the odd game or two.
The Portuguese league was decided in favour of Porto when Benfica lost at home to Guimarães in March and Sporting lost at home to Braga in February.
The Premiership is supposedly wide open but you know Man U are going to win it. This was decided when Middlesbrough popped a cap in Liverpool’s ass in February and Chelsea were guffed on by Tottenham in March.
Even if you disagree with that you can’t take umbrage with the suggestion that losing is inherently more exciting than winning.
How excited were you when Man U lost two games in a row to Liverpool and Fulham? Probably more than you were when they beat Sunderland 2-1.
And how excited were you when Everton beat them this weekend? More than you would have been had they won.
Many may argue that one of the news stories of the weekend was Wolves winning and getting promoted to the Premiership, but the real story was Charlton losing and booking a place in League One next season.
You already know what will happen with Wolves: they’ll be relegated next year.
But Charlton’s fate, like that of Leeds and Manchester City when they dropped into the third tier, is anyone’s guess. Consequently their future is about 638 times more interesting than Wolves’.
Losing is where it’s at, and as the European leagues draw to a close it only takes a cursory glance at the tables to see that the bottoms are much more congested and unpredictable than the top, with the possible exception of the German league.
The only thing in the Premiership making me leak streams of piss onto my underwear and down my legs is Newcastle’s attempts to lose enough games to ensure relegation. If they go down a lot of people will find themselves in much more of a frenzy that if they’d won a few more games and finished mid-table.
Liga Sagres
All of this is why this week’s Liga Sagres was, despite what the scorelines might suggest, more boring than a night in with Glenn Roeder.
Porto didn’t lose, Benfica didn’t lose, and despite nearly losing Sporting scored two late goals and didn’t lose.
Everyone’s least favourite team Paços Ferreira disappointed their fans by travelling all the way to Estrela da Amadora and winning.
Things are better for Trofense fans, whose team have now lost so many games that they find themselves bottom of the league. They inherited the accolade after Rio Ave foolishly decided to beat them on Sunday to move within one point of safety.
However it is Leixões who are arguably the most exciting team in the league at the moment, having lost five of their last six.
Nacional, Braga, Marítimo and Belenenses all came close to losing but only managed to draw. Tossers.
Results
Académica 0 – 3 Porto; Setúbal 0 – 4 Benfica; Guimarães 1 – 2 Sporting; Naval 1 – 0 Leixões; Rio Ave 2 -1 Trofense; Amadora 0 – 2 P. Ferreira; Nacional 1 – 1 Braga; Marítimo 1 – 1 Belenenses.
The top
Porto – 57
Sporting – 53
Benfica – 49
Nacional - 43
Braga - 42